The sun sets in 53 minutes and I haven’t written a thing. For the past 20 entries of this blog, each day I have wanted to write, at least in some capacity. I might have let out a groan or whine about doing it, but each time I’ve sat down and it’s flowed. Today is different, the putting off and procrastination has now led to it being 49 minutes before the sun sets and I haven’t written a thing. There are just some days, like today, where it seems almost impossible. I have nothing inside of me to give. I didn’t do or eat anything interesting yesterday. I had 2 sandwiches and some biscuits (the picture of health), and I went to the store to buy some food for the next couple of days, beginning today with tonight’s meal (more healthy, I think). Other than that I was in, not up to much in particular but watching the new season of Married at First Sight Australia and crunching on some petit-beurre(s). So now, the sun sets in 43 minutes and I haven’t written a thing.
I think that’s okay, I’m sure you reading could use a day off, it would suggest an inflated ego to believe that there are people refreshing their inboxes or checking their notifications awaiting an update of what I did yesterday. The thing is with commitment is that I have never been very good at it. I like to start things but I’m not a great finisher. I get really in to something at the beginning and then I lose will, motivation, interest and then leave it behind, a relic of good intentions and failed promises. This is and will be different which is why you’re reading something now - if a writer writes a blog and no one reads it, can anyone hear the typing keys? In truth the novelty has worn off, this becoming more habit, which is fine. I discussed this blog with my therapist before coming to Paris and they suggested treating it like my running habit picked up in 2020. It is not necessarily fun every time, and the idea of doing it can sometimes seem like the worst possible option out of many, but there I was lacing up my shoes each morning. Each day I was becoming a better runner, experiencing that runners high (if I were to run right now and saw me you might say the same, but with an apostrophe between the r and the s), and feeling healthier and better for it. I do feel occasionally a writers high, and I like to think that my writing too is improving, which is also one of the aims of this blog. Whether I am healthier is another thing entirely - mentally, no, physically, have you seen how much food I’ve been making? How many cakes I’ve been buying? Speaking of which:
The one thing I did buy yesterday that we ate some of - a cherry cake from Monoprix. It was moist a sharp and sweet and buttery and delicious and unhealthy but worth it. We warmed it up and had it with ice cream (vanilla) and it was nice to have something warmish after a day of cold ham and cheese. To finish what I was saying before, here we are at the end and there is an end because there was a beginning and a middle. On a day I didn’t want to write I’ve managed to spew out almost 600 words (apparently). Maybe there is something in the habit, in doing something when you don’t want to, because would you look at that, it’s 23 minutes until the sun sets and I’ve written something.
à demain
I’m very glad you did write something. As always, I enjoyed the read x